So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
only you would photoshop your dick
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
