i already hear my dad disowning me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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