she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
