Whod you bang
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
