Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
