mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.