Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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