You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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