Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer