She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.