So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?