Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.