oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.