Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to