i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
