dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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