don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
