I heard we made out
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
