i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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