Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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