You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
