I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize