Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
