Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just pee around me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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