Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
