Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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