some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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