I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
