We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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