They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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