Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
