so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we should paint friendship bongs
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