Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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