Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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