I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
two words: eviction party
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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