The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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