a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.