Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok