As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
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you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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