Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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