I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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