remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
