I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
