I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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