I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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