Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize