margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
