We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.