Your mouth is God's brothel.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".