like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.