This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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