Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
