I need help removing her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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