I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
