the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
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I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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