Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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