dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
