He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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