You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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